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I Love My Wife, But I Just Don’t Know How To Show Her That.

If we’ve said it once we’ve said it a thousand times: Men and women often don’t view intimacy the same way! For men, sex is usually the way they define intimacy. But women, on the other hand, see emotional intimacy and non-sexual touch as their top ways to experience intimacy.


So, what does a husband do when his wife feels he doesn’t show her love outside the bedroom? What are some non-sexual things a husband can do to show his wife the way he feels?

Nothing satisfies a woman’s emotional need like her connection with her husband. She trusts you to stand by her no matter what—when even closest family members may not be able to be there for her or understand. And friends may come and go in her life, but you are her constant companion; you are always there.

Wives flourish as they emotionally engage with their husbands and know that you are really listening. Wives love being in the spotlight of your attention. Your wife has an intense drive to be emotionally transparent with you. She needs to know everything about you—not so that she can possess or control you, but so that she can experience true oneness with you. That’s what intimacy is on the deepest level: when you let her get into your soul and you get into hers, when together you reveal who you are to each other, when you talk about everything and anything, when you share your opinions and perspectives.

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Most guys are quick to rush in with answers to a wife’s problems. It might be easy for you to love her in practical ways: unstopping a plugged toilet, mowing the lawn, always being the one to top off the gas tank in the family van. But the real servant not only serves where it is easy, but also where it is needed. If you desire to show her how much you love your wife, give yourself humbly to her. Ask her what she needs. Listen to her. Study your wife with the intense purpose of a servant who is eager to please.

Before you crawl out of bed in the morning, give your wife a heartfelt, “I love you.” Then, during the day, call or text your wife from work. You won’t believe how many points a simple phone call will score. It makes a woman feel loved and honored that you would take time from your busy day to connect with her. This kind of connecting, of taking the time to tune in to each other, builds security and intimacy in a relationship. It’s part of what makes a great marriage.

*For more practical marriage advice, check out The Great Marriage Q&A Book. It’s available in our online bookstore!