fighting fair

It’s Not About Fighting Fair. It’s About Giving Up on “Fairness” Altogether.

SOME SAY, "ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR" - BUT IN MY OPINION, THAT ACTUALLY ISN'T TRUE.  If you really sit down...
overcoming obstacles

3 Keys To Overcoming Obstacles In Your Marriage

The other day I was telling my coworker stories from the early days of my marriage. It was one of those moments...
how to save your marriage

How To Save Your Marriage When Your Life Is In Crisis

Have you ever been in a season where you feel like the "light at the end of the tunnel" will never come...
watch-tone

Watch Your Tone! Say Things In a Way Your Spouse Will Hear

When it comes to communication, even more important than words is the tone that accompanies them. You’ve most likely heard the phrase,...
christian marriage

7 Common Christian Marriage Myths. #3 Might Surprise You!

Q: We have a Christian marriage—so why is it so painful? Shouldn’t being believers shield us from the problems we’re having? A: Many...
why do people cheat

Why Do People Cheat in Relationships, And Whose Fault Is It?

If your spouse has an affair, are you partially to blame? Why do people cheat in relationships anyway?  That’s been something I’ve been...
avoiding conflict

Avoiding Conflict Can Ruin a Marriage. Here’s Why.

Do you have a tendency toward avoiding conflict or negative emotions in your marriage? If so, this post is for you. Make...
how to fight

How to Fight Fair: 25 Tips for Better Arguments

Everyone has fights in their marriage, but not everyone knows how to fight. Not all conflict is created equal: some conflict brings...
how to forgive

How to Forgive Your Spouse After An Affair

An affair does not have to be the end of your marriage. Here's how to forgive your spouse after an affair. Q: We’ve...
I'm sorry

“I’m Sorry” Can Make All the Difference In Your Marriage

You know things are “off” between you. That cutting remark still stings. Time passes with a promise unfulfilled for another day. Loyalties are...
conflict

Conflict and Fighting Aren’t the Same Thing. Here’s Why That Matters.

I’ve shared with you in past blog posts that my husband, Mike, and I are very, very different. Early in our marriage,...
tough love

3 Tough Love Truths About Your Marriage

A lay counselor who has worked with hundreds of premarital couples told me that he particularly looks forward to the session when...
reasons for divorce

Reasons For Divorce: The 4 Most Toxic Traits of a Marriage

No one intends to get married with the goal of ending it all. Yet 50% of all couples tying the knot this...
broken trust

Broken Trust Can Be Restored … But It Takes Time

Your spouse has blown it. You don’t trust him/her anymore. But you want to save your marriage, despite your broken trust. How...
never surrender

“Never Surrender.” Don’t Give Up, Your Marriage Can Thrive For a Lifetime.

A divorce lawyer recently posted an article arguing that the vow “till death do us part” is passé, unrealistic, and needs to...
how to have self control

About to Lose Your Cool? Here’s How to Have Self Control During an Argument

I hear stories all the time about how couples have lost it in an argument. One of them hears something that triggers their...
don't let the sun go down on your anger

What to Do When the Command “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Your...

There’s a phrase that we hear often that goes like this: “don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Or: “don’t...
grateful

The Key To Being Happy In Your Marriage is Being Grateful For What You...

Nicolas Rolin frolicked, adulterized, gambled, and even murdered his way through the fifteenth century until he looked mortality in the face and...
parents' divorce

Your Parents’ Divorce Doesn’t Mean You’re Doomed to Get Divorced Too.

Q: I want to get married, but my parents had a terrible marriage and got divorced. Does my parents' divorce mean my...
emotional intimacy

Men, Emotional Intimacy Might Not Come As Easy For Us, But It’s Something We...

For Part 4 in this series on marital intimacy, I’m writing again about emotional intimacy. Often when we think of intimacy our...
following Jesus

“I’m Faithfully Following Jesus, So Why Is My Marriage Still Such a Mess?”

I recently met with a friend who shared openly with me about her struggles in marriage. “It’s like living with a robot!...
husbands, love your wives

Husbands, Love Your Wives Like Jesus. Here’s 3 Tips For How to Do That.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her – Ephesians 5:25 We have all read it...
“Why Am I So Angry?” How to Discover What’s Really Behind This Potentially Destructive Emotion

“Why Am I So Angry?” How to Discover What’s Really Behind This Potentially Destructive...

Did you know that anger is actually a secondary emotion? This means that at the core of everything you’re feeling, your anger...
close the loop

Close the Loop: The One Vital Habit That Will Keep Your Marriage Moving Forward

The moment you do or say something that hurts your marriage partner, you stand at a fork in the road. Whether you...
love is a choice

Love Is a Choice, Especially When You’re Not Feeling It.

  When my wife and I were going through marriage problems, the last thing that I wanted to hear was love is a...
how to resolve conflict

Want to Know How to Resolve Conflict With Your Spouse? Turn It Into a...

Now that we’re empty nesters, Lisa travels with me on most of my trips, at least the pleasant ones. Winnipeg in February? Pass. New York...
in-laws

Issues With the In-Laws? Maybe You Need to Create Some Healthy Boundaries. Here’s How.

It’s important to establish healthy boundaries with your in-laws. Otherwise, you can add a lot of stress to your marriage relationship. But...
the stories we tell ourselves

The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Why Most of Our Fights Start in Our Imagination...

In her recent Netflix special author, researcher, and all-around national treasure Brené Brown describes an argument she  had with her husband. They were...
ultimatums

Ultimatums Are Bad, Right? Actually, They’re VITAL For a Thriving Marriage. Here’s Why.

When things happen in married life, whether bad or good, a common reaction is to blame (or give credit) someone else. While they may have...
communication in marriage

Actually, Communication in Marriage Isn’t What’s Most Important. What Is Might Surprise You.

What you have probably heard is the number one problem is communication in marriage. I don’t believe that’s the case. It’s a problem,...
it's not about the nail

It’s Not About the Nail? Actually, Sometimes It IS About the Nail

It's Not About the Nail was a popular marriage video that made the rounds (we've done a post on it!. This post is...
arguing

How to Ask For What You Need Without Arguing

Sometimes you just have to ask your husband for what you need! I’ve been talking all month about how to change the dynamic...
angry

Angry? The Right Question To Ask Isn’t “What?” But “Why?”

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. –Psalm 4:4 Recently, I had...
to do list

What to Do When You Are Last on Your Spouse’s To Do List?

Today's post from the always-helpful America's Family Coaches is a great conversation starter between you and your spouse. The desire to feel...
how to love

The Greatest Gift Marriage Offers Us Isn’t What You Think

Today's post from Gary Thomas is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. We think marriage is a place to receive...
accept your spouse

Accept Your Spouse As They Are, Even When Who They Are Changes

People change. Very few of us have the same figure or physique we had on our wedding day as we walked down...
help

Sometimes Your Spouse Doesn’t Want Your Help. Here’s The Reason Why.

The scene is a couple driving in the car on the way to dinner: Silence for several minutes. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” A few more minutes of...
bids for connection

Bids for Connection: The Tool This Expert Says Is the Secret to Great...

It’s not big, blow out fights that wreck a marriage. It’s how we treat each other day to day. And that’s why...
messy

Messy v. Neat Freak: How to Navigate the Cleanliness War In Your Marriage

Q: One of us is very neat, but the other is very messy. How can we keep from driving each other crazy? A:...
tone

Tone Deaf: Is What You’re Saying Hidden By How You’re Saying It?

I've said this several times, but Doug Fields is both a ludicrously gifted communicator and a very kind mentor and friend of...
initiating

Initiating (and Declining) Sex Without Starting a Fight

For many married couples initiating sex can be an awkward moment that leads to conflict or hurt feelings. They’re not sure what...
perspective

Your Spouse’s Perspective Is Annoying. You Should Listen Anyway!

I don’t know about you, but I often overlook the Lord’s eternal perspective. He sees all of time, from beginning to end,...
100 percent

The Only “Fair” Marriage Is When Both Spouses Give 100 Percent.

Happily married Eric and Jill climbed out of bed at their normal Saturday morning hour. They had a lot to do around...
self-righteousness

Self-Righteousness is Satan’s Favorite Attack Against Your Marriage. Here’s What You Can Do About...

What if one of the most dangerous attitudes for believers is self-righteousness? What if it’s possible to be “right” and toxic at the...
sex life

Does Your Sex Life Feel Broken? You Can Always Rebuild It! Here’s How.

Today a reader is asking, “how do you reset your sex life?” What if it’s been really difficult in the past, but now...
fight

Want to Stop a Fight Before It Starts? Here’s How!

Do you sometimes feel the frustration simmering below the surface? Can you sense there might be an argument brewing? Let us encourage...
love & respect

Why The Hugely Popular Book “Love & Respect” Could Be Harmful to Your Sex...

When I was first married, sex hurt. And I felt terribly guilty about that. Have you ever looked back on your younger self...
obstacles

The 3 Biggest Obstacles to a Healthy Marriage, and the Tools To Overcome Them

The other day I was telling my coworker stories from the early days of my marriage. It was one of those moments...
forgive

A Marriage That Can’t Forgive, Won’t Survive

Miranda had been spending money on a secret credit card for months. She hid receipts, she removed price tags, she sometimes even...
positivity

Want a Happier Marriage? Practice the Power of Positivity

One of the most often asked questions I get related to relationships is, “What are key ingredients that make up a successful relationship?” The...