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Why It’s Okay to Flirt

Today’s post comes from a new friend of ours here at Thriving Marriages. Brie Gowen wrote a great post recently about why it’s still okay to flirt, even if you’re married! You can check out more of her writing here.

Yesterday as I sat around waiting to have a tire patched I absently watched Family Fued in the customer area of the service station. I fed stale popcorn into my mouth and laughed at the game show on TV. The question from Steve Harvey was this.

Name someone a woman flirts with?

The answers being given were things like “coworker” or “neighbor,” and as I yelled my answer to the television I got blank stares from the other patrons of the business.

I excitedly offered my answer to the contestants.

“Your husband!”

But it didn’t make the survey.

I think sometimes when we think about flirting we consider that an act only available to those in the dating world, or in new, exciting relationships. But I believe that the art of playful flirtation is a great additive to a healthy marriage. It’s easy as you go through married life to become so comfortable with your partner that you don’t try to woo them anymore, and the art of seduction becomes unheard of. We become so used to an easy relationship that we don’t work for it anymore. We forget that our marriages are like gardens that require tending, they require watering, and they definitely require some fertilizer.

Flirting can be a great fertilizer for your marriage. Sending a sultry text message, maybe even a photo that makes you blush. It does wonders to tell your spouse they’re sexy. Even if you see them everyday, and you know that they know you find them attractive, it still does us all good to hear it more than once in a blue moon. Playfulness, seductiveness, and flirtatious conversation aren’t things just for when you’re trying to land a partner in life. They’re actions you want to continue to keep that partner in your life.

Read Next on Thriving Marriages  If Your Husband Prefers Sleep to Sex Do You Feel Rejected ?

So why is it easy to flirt with that guy or gal at work, but feels awkward doing it to the person who’s held your hair back when you vomited or seen you give childbirth? Shouldn’t we feel more comfortable to romance the person who loves us through sickness and health? The devil strives to destroy marriages, and he tells us we can’t have an exciting marriage, hot sex life, or even romance in our marriage, but that’s a lie. You can actually have the best “sexting” session ever with your soulmate. You can seduce the father of your children. And you can feel like the hottest woman on earth at the compliment of your one true love.

So I say we break the stereotypes that equate flirting with affairs! Flirting is for marriage. Your  homework is to text your spouse right now and set up a sexy rendezvous. The great thing about marriage is that it doesn’t have to be steamy and sexy. In fact, if you have young kids, most times it’s not. There’s a comfort and peace in being loved just as you are, in good times and bad times, no matter what. Any post partum mom would know exactly what I mean! But just because you experience unconditional love in your marriage doesn’t mean that you can’t also experience excitement and romance like the kind you read about. You truly can have the best of both worlds.

Joshua Pease
Josh is a writer, pastor, and journalist passionate about discovering a more compelling vision of God's kingdom. You can read more of his work at