7. New Things to Try in Bed: Have Him Play “Teacher”
On Sunday night, in Houston, I was giving my Girl Talk presentation on sex and marriage. Part of that presentation always includes an anonymous Q&A (I answer questions that were written down), and one of the questions was “How exactly do you perform oral sex?” (although it was worded a little more graphically. ).
Sometimes fear that we’re doing something wrong can also make us embarrassed and hold us back from being adventurous. What if you do something wrong–or something that doesn’t feel good? This can especially be a problem if you know that your husband has had a lot of sexual experience beforehand. What if you don’t measure up?
I replied to that question like this: “I’m pretty sure you already have someone who could teach you that in detail, but that person is not in this room.” Because most husbands, I would guess, would be eager to show you exactly what to do.
So have a night when he plays teacher. He’s not asking you to do something; he’s actually giving very clear direction and “orders”, if you want to phrase it that way. And then he can give you a special reward if you master whatever skill he wants you to learn.
Honestly, every couple should do this periodically, because we all could learn from each other. And quite often we’re hesitant when we’re normally making love to say, “a little to the left” or “a little harder” or “not quite so fast”. It seems rude. But if you’re playing teacher, you can easily. And then you can be a willing pupil!
When you see that you’ve actually mastered a skill, it’s easier to initiate it later.
Don’t forget–if you really want to steam things up, my book 31 Days to Great Sex will add a ton of spice and fun to your marriage! It will get you talking, flirting, and trying new things without feeling all awkward!
And it’s only $4.99 for the ebook version. Check it out here.
8. New Things to Try in Bed: Play a Game
Here’s another way to try new things. Put the things you want to try on a dice, and then roll the dice and do what it says! I’ve got a Dice Game that you can print out right here.
9. New Things to Try in Bed: Play Beat the Clock
Here’s another fun–and adventurous–one. Using a kitchen timer (or a stopwatch on your phone), make a list of things you’d like to do and then do them each–but only for two minutes. This gives a kind of urgency to what you’re doing, but also helps you to relax a little bit because you’re changing things up so constantly. There isn’t a lot of time to start second guessing yourself or getting nervous!
Here’s another variation on the same idea: take him into the bedroom and tell him he can do anything he wants to do–but he only has 5 minutes. So he had better get a move on and have some fun! If he’s not finished in that time, then you’re going back downstairs (but have pity on him later in the day, or play again in an hour or two).
This is often exciting because you’re concentrating on his pleasure, not yours. In that amount of time most women can’t reach orgasm, so the emphasis isn’t on making you feel good. It’s on letting him have as much fun as possible as quickly as possible. So he doesn’t have to worry about saving himself or holding something back for you. He can let go! For a lot of women this is a very freeing thing because you see how excited you get him when he only has to care about having fun himself (a lot of men won’t even need the whole 5 minutes).
10. New Things to Try in Bed: Talk
Our reader asked how can she learn to be more vocal during sex. The key? Don’t overanalyze. Don’t worry about what you’re supposed to say or about saying the right thing. Just FEEL–and then tell him what you feel. Here’s how:
Ask yourself: what feels good right now?
When you ask that question, you pay attention to your body and you start realizing what is feeling good. Often we women get so caught up in our heads when we’re making love that we become almost disconnected from our bodies. Asking this question reminds you to pay attention to what your body is saying.
When you realize what feels good, just say it. “Oh, my [insert whatever body part] is tingling”, or “It feels so good when you [insert whatever he’s doing]”. Just say what you’re feeling!
Ask yourself: What do you want him to do now?
When you start paying attention to your body, you’ll likely start to notice that some parts of your body are now crying out for attention. That’s what arousal does to you.
When you notice it, say it. “Oh, baby, touch my [insert body part]”.
You don’t have to use weird words for body parts–it’s okay to use the real ones (or whatever you’re comfortable saying). And believe me–this is sexy! It may feel like it sounds trite, but what really turns a guy on is hearing that you’re into it.
So there you go–10 tips to help you feel like the sexual being you were created to be–to help you be more adventurous in bed! Why not pick a few and put them into practice this week?
In fact, here’s my suggestion: for Valentine’s Day, write out your “his” and “her” night ideas, and then make a pledge that you’ll do them over the next few months. Let yourself go! Relax about sex! You’re married. You’re supposed to enjoy each other. Don’t let fear hold you back from something so amazing.
Marriage isn’t supposed to be blah!
Sex is supposed to be stupendous–physically, emotionally, AND spiritually. If it’s not, get –and find out what you’ve been missing.