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I Wasn’t Ready for Marriage

I Wasn’t Ready to Be Loved

I had always thought that it would be amazingly freeing to be loved in spite of my shortcomings. In my mind, it was a beautiful picture of the unmerited love God lavished upon me in Christ (Romans 5:8).

In my heart, though, it felt like acid. My pride preferred to earn affection rather than to receive it. It was so hard to be loved in the midst of my brokenness because I wanted to be loved for my togetherness.

In marriage, that kind of love isn’t an option. My husband does appreciate my gifts, but if he loved only the best parts of me, there would be a lot left uncovered (1 Peter 4:8). He sees my sin more clearly than anyone else and loves me nonetheless. I can either despise him for this knowledge or face it with humility and gratitude.

I Wasn’t Ready To Die

If the burden of being the perfect wife to my husband rested squarely on my shoulders, my initial fears would have been completely justified. I just can’t do it. Praise God that the burden never rested on my shoulders!

Before I was ever Phillip’s bride, I was part of the Church, the Bride of Christ. Before the foundation of the world (Romans 8:29). He clothed me in his righteousness. He adopted me as his own. He saved me. He chose my husband to echo his eternal love. He chose our marriage to echo that eternal covenant. He chose us, not because of our perfection, but because of his ability to stand perfectly in our stead. My life is his. Our marriage is his.

And in light of these glorious truths, even as our selfishness, self-centeredness, and self-righteousness cry out against the death knells of the old man (Galatians 2:20).

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My marriage isn’t ultimate, but it paints, simple as it may be, a picture of the one that is (Revelation 19:7-9), and my fears are swallowed by the fact that this bride is loved by two grooms who keep that picture in view.  


This article appeared here.

Jasmine Holmeshttps://jasminelholmes.com/
Jasmine Holmes is a wife, mom, and speaker. She teaches humanities and Latin at St. Augustine Classical School. She and her husband, Phillip, have a son, and they are members of Redeemer Church in Jackson, Mississippi.