How to Love Your Spouse

how to love your spouse

Wondering how to love your spouse? Try showing him or her in actions, not just in words or feelings! In every good marriage you need to find non-sexual ways of showing your spouse love–that you’re thinking about them and you care about them.

When our son was terminally ill, a counselor we were seeing suggested that we each make a list of 20 things that the other person could do for us that would make us feel loved and special, just to keep our marriage close during a really difficult time. I wanted to show my husband Keith that I loved him, but it was hard when we were going through such a difficult time. How do you get yourself out of your head enough to think about someone else when you’re hurting so much? But doing this exercise really helped us. It took the guesswork out of wondering how your husband felt loved (and he didn’t have to worry about how to make me feel loved!)

We simply wrote up the lists together, exchanged them, and then committed to doing roughly two things on that list each day. I can’t tell you what a difference it made in our marriage! If your husband’s willing to do this, I recommend it wholeheartedly.

But if he’s not, you can still make your own list of ways to show your husband love. Saying “I love you” is nice, but learning how to love your spouse in actions is usually more important. So here are some ideas to get you started:

How to Love Your Spouse

25 Ways to Show Husband

  1. Praise him in front of the kids.
  2. Greet him at the door when he gets home–drop whatever you’re doing and go kiss him!
  3. Make him a coffee to take with him in the morning.
  4. Give  him a backrub.
  5. Brag about him to your friends when he can hear.
  6. Tell him one thing you admire about him in relation to his work–and try to make it a different thing every time you say it!
  7. Rub your fingers through his hair as you’re watching a movie.
  8. Lay out his clothes for him the night before.
  9. Make an appointment to get an oil change for the car.
  10. Sort the mail so he doesn’t have to.
  11. Put on lipstick and fix your hair 15 minutes before he’s expected home from work (or right before you arrive home from work!).
  12. Text him and tell him specifically what you love doing with him.
  13. Bring him a glass of water if he’s working out in the heat.
  14. Bring him a drink when he’s working at his desk.
  15. Ask him what he’d like for dinner–let him choose the menu at least once a week.
  16. Wear something you know he loves.
  17. Going out to pick up an ice cream/treat with the kids? Bring him one, too–even if you went out during the day when he was at work. Save it for him, with a note, “We were thinking of you!”
  18. Rub him dry when he gets out of the shower–and put some “manly” moisturizer cream on him, or some talcum powder. Towel dry hair for him, and tell him you just love how he smells.
  19. Read a bit of a book/funny story/newspaper to him while he takes a bath.
  20. Pray for him while you’re lying in bed–out loud. Reach out, put your arm on his, and say a sentence-or-two prayer.
  21. Walking by him? Reach out and touch him for a second!
  22. Rub his feet while you’re watching TV. (You can even get a cloth and wash his feet and put some cream on them, too).
  23. Ask him his advice on something–and then follow it (without challenging him!)
  24. Ask him to explain something about a hobby to you.
  25. Don’t just tell him you love him–tell him WHY you love him.
Read Next on Thriving Marriages  91 Years Married - Persevering Love

Or here are some ideas for how to show your wife love: (And, yes, a lot of them are the same!)