I first fell in love with my wife during a conversation about an ex-girlfriend. Granted, this “ex” was a girl I dated for three weeks in high school, so the threat level was low, but still, it’s kind of weird.
It would take way too long to explain the moment in detail, but the short version is this: as we talked I realized that Christina and I had a near-identical passion for the intersection of psychology and Christianity. We both had an intense interest in, and gifting for, helping people see how the pain in their past was keeping them from God’s best in their present. I was a full-time college pastor at the time, and as we talked I could clearly see how much better I would be at my job doing it with Christina. We were made to do ministry together.
Fast forward nine years.
I’m a freelance writer who waits tables to make ends meet. Christina and I have been married for almost 8 years and have a 4 and 2 year old. We are tired – um – always, and “free time” for us is like the mirage of an oasis in the desert: we crave it desperately, but it always seems just over the horizon, beyond our grasp.
But for the first time in a few years, Christina and I are soon going to be doing ministry together. There’s a group of young adults at our church that could use an older couple to hang out, build relationships, and share whatever wisdom we have to offer, and we think we’ve found a babysitter who can watch our kids once a week to enable us to do this.
I’m so excited for us to get this piece of our life back, because I never feel closer to my wife then when we’re doing the task that we do best together. Which leads me to my question for you: what do you and your spouse do best together?
Maybe it’s a home remodeling project, or hosting a killer party. Maybe it’s a serving opportunity at your church. Maybe it’s meeting new people, leading a Bible study, or working on a creative project. Maybe it’s a fun activity to do as a family. What is a shared task that makes you and your spouse come alive? If God has given every person a spiritual gift – and God has – then where do you and your spouse’s giftings combine in a way that allows the uniqueness of your union to shine? Where are you and your spouse the most fully, truly, passionately, deeply you?
This could be a fun conversation for you and your spouse to share, so send this post to them and schedule a time to have this conversation. Here are some starter questions:
- What is one of our favorite memories where we did something together, and it turned out great?
- When has God used our combined gifts for his kingdom in a way that felt thrilling and alive?
- What shared task makes us feel close to each other?
- Putting all practical “how to’s” aside, if we could do ANYTHING together as a couple, what would it be?
- What is one shared goal we could use our gifts to accomplish together?
I’m convinced that our marriages are at their strongest, when both spouse combines their gifts to accomplish a task together. There’s something so pure, and holy, and God-honoring about us moving forward as “one flesh” for his kingdom. So how could God use the gifts of your marriage today?