Couples spend a lot of time debating over who was or wasn’t at fault. This is one of the biggest wastes of time. Putting more energy than what’s needed on the problem leaves little creativity for finding a solution.
One of the best steps you can take after an argument is to ask your partner if they understand that your intention was not to cause harm. When you say or do something offensive, or when a decision that you made, puts the two of you in a difficult situation, begin by letting your spouse know:
I did not intend to make you feel the way you’re feeling…
Also, the person who has the hurt feelings needs to take this into consideration. Remind yourself that their intentions were not bad. Both husband and wife have a responsibility to try to make things right again.
Looking at their intentions is the secret ingredient for making up faster.
Being willing to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship puts your marriage on a trajectory towards not only staying together, but staying stronger.
There is always room for improvement, and keeping in mind the fact that our partner isn’t perfect, can make forgiveness a regular part of the routine.
By simply remembering that their intention is not to cause problems for you, but to love you, it almost instantly feels easier to show grace.