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5 Steps Toward Having that Hard Conversation

As someone who is both married and writes for a living, I found today’s post super relatable. Hope this content from our friends at The Romantic Vineyard is helpful to you as well!

I’m a member of a writer’s group that celebrates it’s 15th anniversary today. We jokingly call our group “Writer’s Block” because I’m sad to say that more often than not this is what we are experiencing.

Writer’s Block, in case you aren’t aware, is defined as the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.

Sometimes the reason is we know what we want to say, we just aren’t sure how to say it. Sometimes we are struggling to know what to write. Or maybe we are skirting the truth like in this scene from You’ve Got Mail

Marriages go through a sort of block as well. We know we need to have a conversation, but we aren’t sure how to begin. Or we may start and then fumble from there, so we avoid it. The problem with avoiding those needed conversations is it doesn’t go dormant; It grows like an unattended weed. I’ve found that if one little issue is bothering me, it will become a bigger irritation the longer I try to ignore it.

If you’ve been married any length of time, this isn’t a new idea to you. Chances are high you have avoided many a conversation as well.

The question is what can we do to change?

  1. Humble yourself before God and ask Him to help you do what you can’t do in your own strength. He loves to show Himself strong through our weaknesses.
  2. Ask Him to help you see the situation from your spouse’s vantage point. This sounds easy to do, but usually we are convinced that we are right, so there is no need to consider any other perspective.
  3. Tell your spouse you want to talk about something, but you aren’t sure how. This will help your spouse realize your commitment to do something you need to do, even if it’s hard. And it will also help them find a way to draw it out of you. I have practiced this many times as a way to commit myself to talking when I’m am resisting it or afraid to begin. ?
  4. Once you begin the conversation avoid saying always, and never, even if you believe it really is always or never. These are bridge breakers and wall builders. The object isn’t to prove your point, but to come to a place of mutual understanding and care.
  5. Work diligently to keep the lines of good communication open. That way when you have to have a more difficult conversation it won’t be as uncomfortable getting started.
Read Next on Thriving Marriages  Is Shame Ruining Your Relationship?

Consider using our new book, Cherishing Us, to that end. This is what Julie Sibert with Intimacy In Marriage has to say about it…

Cherishing Us helps you unpack hidden treasures in your relationship, as well as build new adventures through countless specific FUN date night ideas. It is full of questions that will inspire you and equip you to better understand the person you fell in love with and to help them better understand you.”

Difficult conversations are a regular part of any marriage. The difference between a healthy marriage vs. a struggling marriage when it comes to marriage block is knowing how to keep talking when you are upset or disagree. If you have tried countless times and failed, then please, please, seek outside help. The cost is too high to give up. Those who know you are counting on your marriage to succeed, especially your children.