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“My Spouse Doesn’t Do It The Way I Do!”

Today’s post comes from our friend Brie Gowen. Check out her blog, books, and other resources here.

If you’ve ever had a house on the market then you know how exhausting and frustrating it can be to keep your home show ready at a moment’s notice. And if you’ve ever had a house on the market with three small children living there, then you know how challenging it can be as well! Our house hasn’t been for sale too terribly long, but it’s still a chore to keep it ship shape while still living inside. During the holidays we let housework slide, so naturally come the beginning of the year I got a call from my realtor.

“I know it’s short notice…” he said.

To which I answered, “you know I’ll say come on.”

Then I entered monster cleaning mode. After four straight hours of scouring and stuffing my husband came home from work and helped me with some last minute details. The thing about this particular viewing was that it would occur while I was at work.

*insert hysterics

This would mean that I wouldn’t be present for the last minute fluff and folds. Instead my children would be present, and if you know anything about kids, you know that if they’re breathing they’re making messes. The thing about me was that I liked everything perfect. So whenever the house was shown I liked to make a thorough sweep to make sure everything looked, smelled, and radiated flawlessness. The problem was since I wouldn’t be there I couldn’t ensure an impeccable appearance.


“Are you gonna turn all the lights on before you leave?” I asked my husband nonchalantly.

I knew he knew to do this, and I even knew he probably would. But I needed to remind him offhandedly. You know, just in case.

And later…

“Don’t forget about the dog.” I said with a laugh. “That would be terrible if they couldn’t look at the house because the dog was trying to eat them.”

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I laughed to try and dilute the fact that I was telling him something he already knew.

“There’s still some of that nice air freshener left,” I commented kindly.

The underlying message was “don’t forget to spray air freshener like I do.”

“I’ll set it out so I don’t forget,” he replied while pulling the air freshener out of the cabinet.

What a guy.

I think one of the hardest things about marriage is that men and women are very different and the daily dance you partake in is learned over time. Men don’t think like women do, and my husband certainly doesn’t think like I do. Honestly, a lot of the time I think that there’s things around the house or with the children that I’m better at. Maybe some of you think the same way in your own marriage. Perhaps we’re right, but perhaps, also, God created us this way for a purpose. We all have our strengths and weaknesses that when meshed together create an amazing family unit. At our house together we work well, our differences blend nicely, and I strive to see the wonderful gift of my husband each day (even though he doesn’t do things like I do). As you can see I still have work to do when it comes to micromanaging and trusting the way he gets the job done, but I’m trying.

I told him last night, but again this morning I left him a note.

It read,

Thank you for all the many things you do for us. I couldn’t do it without you.

And nothing could be more true than those words. Marriage was a partnership, and I couldn’t do the many things I do without his support and contribution. So even if he didn’t do things the same way I would do, he got things done. Sometimes I couldn’t help myself from trying to make sure he did, but he knew I respected and appreciated him.

My husband just doesn’t do things the way I do, but that’s okay. He does a phenomenal job in his own way.

Joshua Peasehttps://tinyletter.com/joshuapease
Josh is a writer, pastor, and journalist passionate about discovering a more compelling vision of God's kingdom. You can read more of his work at joshuapease.co