How can husbands learn how to be attractive to their wife?
Often the question is flipped around, and although we’ll be addressing the same question for wives later this month, we wanted to start with the men for once!
When you’re dating, it’s natural to put a lot of thought into how to be attractive for your new girlfriend. But what about when you’ve been married for a while? What kinds of things can you do that turn your wife on (or even just don’t turn her OFF!) to keep that spark alive years into a marriage?
We decided to go to Facebook and ask the wives of To Love, Honor and Vacuum to let us know what their best non-shaming tips for men were to help them stay attractive for their wives!
The responses fell into two camps: physical actions and then character traits that made women attracted to their husbands. So here are 5 of each so you guys can get a glimpse into the minds of women to figure out just what is it that makes wives madly attracted to their husbands! Let’s go!
How To Care for Yourself Physically to Stay Attractive to Your Wife
1. How To Be Attractive: Practice good hygiene
This was by far the most commonly mentioned point, and one we get emails about quite often. Like I mentioned yesterday, the number of women writing in that their husbands don’t brush their teeth is rather astounding.
Men: if you’re not showering, not brushing your teeth, and throwing good manners out the window when your wife is around, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t seem so excited to make out!
- Just plain trying, show he cares about how he presents himself to his wife. All the basics of personal hygiene and core good manners.
- Remain attentive to his hygiene, regular showers, trimming fingernails and toenails, attention to details… clean socks (dirty ones in hamper, not on the floor) all very doable regardless of appearance or body habits.
- Brush your teeth, or use mints or gum before coming home to your wife
- Close his mouth when he burps, and try to pass gas discreetly.
- If he works outside and gets all sweaty, he takes a shower afterwards. My husband is 46 and still looks amazing to me!
When listing out a bunch of these physical hygiene habits that make men attractive, one commenter said this:
- You’d think these things would be a minimum standard, but I’ve heard many women lament about husbands by-passing these basics.
Guys, these should be a minimum standard! This isn’t your wife being picky–this is just her expecting the bare minimum in this area! So get on it, and get clean!
2. How To Be Attractive: Keeping your hair trimmed (all of it!)
Whether or not you’re able to grow facial hair, make sure that whatever you do grow is groomed nicely (and that includes washing and cleaning your beard if you have one).
- [Being] well-groomed. Even if you wear your hair long, keep it trimmed. Keep facial hair trimmed and shaped.
- Get haircuts regularly. Shave regularly or trim your beard if you have one and make sure to shave your neck. Maintain your eyebrows (you don’t have to pluck, but don’t let them grow too wild).
- Keep the hair trimmed in his ears and nose and eyebrows.
Talk to your wife about what kinds of facial hair she likes on you, and then take the time to maintain it! Remember, too, that kissing a beard can be uncomfortable for women with sensitive skin if your facial hair is coarse and dry. So if you do have facial hair, invest in some beard oils to help soften and nourish the hair.
3. How To Be Attractive: Smelling good
For many women, smell is incredibly important. Not only is bad scent a turn-off, but good scent can be a huge turn-on!
- Wear the cologne I picked out for him when we spend time together.
- Shower daily and wear some kind of scent (cologne or body spray) and definitely use deodorant everyday!
- I love when my husband wears body spray or cologne. Even if it’s just body spray. Makes me crazy!!
Ask your wife if she wants to go shopping with you to pick out body wash, body spray, or cologne so she can let you know what scents she enjoys. You can turn it into an impromptu date night, as a bonus!
4. How To Be Attractive: Wear clothes that fit and are in good condition
We’re not saying you need to always wear the latest trends or expensive clothing items, but taking an extra few seconds to put on clothes that fit properly and aren’t stained or ripped goes a long way.
- Pay attention to the hair styles, clothing styles she likes on you. If there is something she hates, and you love, avoid wearing it when you are trying to woo her!
- Consider what your wife likes you to wear and make an effort to wear that kind of clothing. Don’t wear things that have holes in them or are stained or faded or ripped. Make sure your clothes fit you right.
- Wear properly fitted clothes, not just baggy comfy clothes!
5. How To Be Attractive: Working towards staying healthy
Your health matters to your wife because YOU matter to your wife! So when she sees you working towards eating healthier, getting active, or taking initiative to go to the doctor without having to be hounded to make an appointment that can be incredibly attractive to her.
- Take care of yourself and go to the doctor when stuff comes up.
- His inside is what is attractive to me, even though I adore his outside and the fact that he wants to stay healthy and works hard at it. He’s the whole package.
As well, taking ownership of your health and working towards becoming healthy if you aren’t healthy right now can help your sex life get better, too! Many sex positions are quite difficult for a woman when her husband has a large belly, so losing some of the excess weight can make sex more enjoyable for both of you–a pretty awesome bonus to taking care of our bodies, if you ask me.
So those are some of the most common physical things that women find attractive. Now let’s switch focus:
5 Character and Relationship Factors to Help Husbands Stay Attractive to their Wives
6. Show that you are competent by taking ownership of tasks
Competency and initiative were brought up again and again and again. What women want is a man she can rely on to get things done!
- Handling things for me without needing to ask/consult me so I can spend my mental energy on things that are a must for me to do.
- As a mother of small children, my major priorities are cleanliness and responsibility. The to do list I have is WAY too long and never ending. I find my husband most attractive when he successfully takes care of our home or children. I can’t relax if I feel like I have to be responsible for everything.
- When my husband came home from work, he took out the garbage, emptied the dishwasher, and hand-washed some pots one day last week. Without me asking or even mentioning that they were on my list. His sexiness factor multiplied by 100 that day!
Take time and learn how to cook some great meals, deep clean the kitchen, or figure out what’s on her to-do list and resolve to help make it shorter by taking on some tasks yourself. Taking some of that responsibility and load off of her shoulders can truly make all the difference–real knights in shining armor wield mops, not swords!
7. Be her protector
Showing your wife that you will go above and beyond to make sure she is secure and safe is incredibly attractive. It makes women feel secure and like she can take a breath because the world is less scary because you’re in it!
- Protecting me and his concern for my safety
- For me it is doing things to show that he is my protector… this can manifest as keeping things on track for us financially, keeping his struggles with substance abuse in check, making sure the house is safe and secure, filling my tank with gas so I don’t have to take the baby to the gas station alone… anything that shows me that our family’s well being is his priority is attractive to me.
8. Be a man of your word
Knowing that there aren’t any pretenses but that you truly stand by what you say and your actions line up with what you believe makes men seem even more attractive to their wives. We want to know that you are dedicated to becoming the best version of yourself that you can be–there really is nothing more manly than a man of great integrity.
- [Having] integrity, [and being] trustworthy are also values that make a husband very attractive.
- Always being truthful and cherish the relationship you have.
For those of you who have kids out there, here’s an easy one: be an involved dad! Your wife has so much love for your children, and seeing you share that love and affection for your kids is one of the most attractive qualities a husband can have.
- My husband is most attractive to me when he’s taking the time to play with our boys or when he helps me with cleaning the house. It seriously takes a load off and lets me relax which gives me more time to give him my attention.
- My husband is rarely more attractive than when he’s being a great dad and loving on our kids.
- Holding babies. And generally engaging with the kids. I think women are different than men in that a guy might turn our eyes, but what really makes hearts flutter is when they show that softer side, especially with our children
My husband looks different now then he did 19 years ago, a little less hair on his head, a little more in other places, a little more belly than before. But I am more attracted to him now than I was then… because I know he is an amazing husband and dad. Our kids love him, and it’s all a reminder of the wonderful time I’ve had with him, and look forward to many more years.
Incidentally, my daughter Katie said that the time before she was married to David that she found him most irresistible was when she first saw him playing with a friend’s toddler. Playing with kids is just plain hot!
10. Study your wife and apply what you learn
Finally, what makes you so attractive to your wife is that you know her so incredibly intimately–you know her more than anyone else ever could. So show her–show her that you notice her, that you listen to her, that you think about her. Take time to study her and then put into practice what you learn. Just hear what some of these women said:
- I want to be set apart from anyone else in his life, as the closest person to his soul.
- my husband knows my love language and that makes all the difference!
- Clearly show he listens! Any time my husband either recalls or acts on something specific I’ve said, I feel so cared for. It is so attractive to know he’s paying attention.
- Listening. Being in tune to me. Listening comes more natural to women, so when he’s picked up on what I’m not saying, it makes me feel so cherished.
- For me its the out of the blue surprise like a candy bar he knows I like but don’t get for myself. Its the small stuff that spur of the moment let me get this for her or do this for her. Its the stuff that comes from the heart not the wallet
If you want to be attractive for your wife, it boils down to this: take care of your body through good hygiene and self-care practices and be a man of integrity and thoughtfulness towards others. These are 10 specific ways to do that, but talk to your own wife and ask her: what kinds of things does she find attractive? Does she agree with this list? What would she add?
And for the women out there: what would you add to this list? What is something that you find attractive that your husband does? Let’s chat about it in the comments below!