Today’s post come from our friends at refineus.org. Check out their book here.
Most people don’t get married so they can be unhappy. Most people don’t stand in front of a church full of people and pledge their love for each other thinking they will be standing in a courtroom dividing their property and arguing over custody of their kids.
Most marriages just drift to these places. Most drift to mediocrity. It’s not something we intend to happen…it’s just something that we allow to happen. After a while our marriage is the way it is and we settle for it.
As Trisha and I have evaluated our own relationship and talked with several other married couples, there are some things that signal a marriage that is drifting:
- You can’t remember when you last went on a date together
- Most of your communication is over email or text message
- The time you have together in the evening is spent watching TV
- All of your conversations center around finances, kids or schedules
- Your sex life has no passion or drive and no desire to restore passion
- You feel more excited to see someone at work than you do your spouse
- Your kid sleeps in the bed with you more than 1 night a week and you don’t think that is a problem
- You don’t hold hands spontaneously or kiss each other any more
- There is no spiritual aspect to your relationship
- You don’t laugh or joke around any more
As we have said before…great marriages don’t happen. Great marriages are a choice. The great thing is that today could be the day you choose to stop drifting. Today could be the day you turn it around. It won’t be easy. It won’t be instant…but nothing worth having is easy or instant. It will be worth it.