Secret #6: Increased child challenges.
One of the greats secrets about divorce is that it’s really rough on kids in a multitude of ways. The family security of being with both mom and dad is removed. A friend of mine’s parents got divorced when he was ten. In his mid-twenties he told me, “Mom and dad went their own way and pursued their own happiness. I got to live out of a suitcase for eight years. It wasn’t my fault, but I am the one that paid the price.” Child behavior and emotions are negatively impacted by divorce.
Secret #7: Your kids might blame themselves.
In some cases, kids will blame themselves for the divorce. I know of a case where the mom left, and the kids blamed themselves. They felt like they should have gotten along better and helped her more. In reality, it wasn’t their fault at all. Now, counselors are trying to convince them that is true.
Secret #8: The consequences of divorce are long-term.
My father-in-law was one of the greatest men I have ever known. He got married young and divorced in his early twenties. There was one child from the first marriage. He later remarried and remained married for 54 years until his death.
He told me “I love my wife and my family, but my divorce impacts me every day of my life. People need to know there are long-term consequences of getting divorced.”
If you have children and then grandchildren, they take turns visiting their mom and their dad. Some holidays you get half of the time. Other holidays you don’t get any time. You really sacrifice a lot when you separate.
Recently, I had the privilege of watching a couple with adult children re-build their marriage from separation and divorce. This Christmas they saw their children and grandchildren….together. What a blessing!
Secret #9: You might regret it.
A Daily Mail article showed that fifty percent of people regret being divorced within two years after the divorce. Oftentimes Satan’s strategy is to get you to do something. Then, he enjoys saying, “now look what you’ve done.”
Secret #10: It may not be necessary.
Couples who feel they have no hope can actually be restored to godly, thriving marriages. I know of a marriage intensive that sees couples who are on life-support. After intensive counseling together, eighty-five percent of the marriages survive. Whatever investment you make to try to save the marriage, it’ll be a lot less than the long-term costs of divorce.
I realize there are situations of infidelity and abuse where divorce is necessary. However, many divorces are avoidable. When a couple is in marriage crisis, they have two very difficult options.
One, get divorced and experience some or all what I set forth above. Two, stay married and go through the hard work of working through issues and re-building a strong relationship. Option two can be hard for a season. Option one can be hard for the rest of your life.
Also, I am not ripping divorce attorneys. It is a tough job dealing with litigation, emotion, anger, custody, and brokenness. Domestic relations law is not an easy way to make a living. I have the utmost respect for family lawyers who care for their clients and provide high-level legal services.
The Mission of Grace Marriage:
Remember: Mercy triumphs over judgment and God’s grace is amazing and magnificent. So, if you’ve been divorced, serve God and thrive where you are—with zero condemnation (Rom. 8:1).
If you are not divorced, invest in your marriage, protect it, grow it, and we pray you never experience crisis or divorce. Maybe you or someone you know is struggling and contemplating divorce right now. Share this post with them to try to help them recognize the harsh realities that could come because of that decision.
Second Corinthians 9:6 says, “Remember this: the person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously.” So, sew generously in your marriage. Date. Enjoy sex. Talk a lot. Make time for one another. Protect the most important horizontal relationship you have in life. You will not regret it. After all, your marriage is pointing a watching world to God.
This article on some of the secrets about divorce originally appeared here, and is used by permission.