At our ministry, Grace Marriage, we strive to bring you resources that will infuse grace and affection into your marriage as you strive to love one another well. At the same time, we want to be realistic about the state of a lot of marriages right now. Unfortunately, divorce is a very real reality for both Christian and non-Christian marriages in our world today. As an attorney, I practiced family law for several years. During that time, I observed that the immediate struggles and litigation needs often took precedence over the long-term consequences of divorce. While I realize that all cases and situations are different, I want to share ten secrets about divorce in order to raise awareness and to encourage deep thought and consideration before making this life-altering decision.
10 secrets about divorce your attorney may never tell you. [15 mins]
Secret #1: Divorce is expensive.
In marriage, you typically have one house, electric, cable and gas bill. When you divorce, all of a sudden there are two of all of them. One of the secrets about divorce is that expenses almost double, but the income doesn’t. On top of that, you have attorneys’ fees and child support to pay. Divorce is not an easy thing to go through financially.
Secret #2: You better like your lawyer.
If children are involved, you often have a long-term relationship with your lawyer. I would tell my clients that I could end up being their lawyer for the next fifteen or twenty years. With visitation issues, child support and other issues, lawyers tend to stay involved long-term.
Secret #3: Frustration of the next spouse.
In most cases, especially when younger people divorce, re-marriage is a reality, and it often occurs much more quickly than you would think. More often than not, the former spouse doesn’t simply love the new spouse. This situation creates one difficult mix of emotions and frustrations.
Secret #4: Sharing your kids with a stranger.
If your spouse remarries and you have kids, it is really difficult accepting the reality that a stranger is helping raise your kids. Oftentimes, a step-parent spends more time with the children than the non-custodial parent. One former client shuddered at the thought of another guy kissing his daughter good night.
Secret #5: Loss of time with your children.
A painful reality of divorce is that you’ll spend a lot less time with your children. Pre-divorce, you get to spend every night in the home with your kids. Post-divorce, with modern trends, it’ll likely be half that much.