Avoiding Conflict Can Ruin a Marriage. Here’s Why.

avoiding conflict

Do you have a tendency toward avoiding conflict or negative emotions in your marriage? If so, this post is for you. Make sure you read to the end!

We’ve been there a thousand times. It was time for a tough conversation and I (Casey) would be running for the hills avoiding talking about issues in our marriage. Early on, that was one of the major reasons why we were headed straight for a divorce. I pretended, ignored and avoided any issue that might come close to exposing my weaknesses, fearing that I would be in trouble, afraid of being abandoned… the list goes on.

FOR YEARS, MY AVOIDING CONFLICT LEFT MEYGAN ALL ALONE IN FIGHTING FOR OUR MARRIAGE.

With tears in her eyes she begged that I engage with her, only then I began to see the magnitude of how my avoiding conflict caused so much hurt and pain. I wrote the book on avoiding conflict and it nearly killed my marriage. Which is why I’m so passionate about helping others ‘avoid’ the pain and disconnection. The problem was that I didn’t have any resource to turn to that gave me insight why I avoided and what I need to do next to show Meygan that I am showing up.

If you are reading this and you are the avoider, it’s time to start adulting and fight for your marriage. If you are the one who has tried to confront the issues and are feeling alone and frustrated, don’t lose hope. Watch our webcast Avoiding Issues in Marriage and have a tough conversation that can go something like this: 

“I love you. I promised on our wedding day that I would do anything and everything it takes to love you and make our marriage thrive. I have been feeling very alone and even frustrated because when I bring up things, you seem to avoid talking about them. I want you to know that you and I are stronger together. We are a team. I want to be your best friend who you can share your fears, feelings and dreams with. Let’s learn how to talk about the hard stuff of life.” 

HERE ARE SOME CONNECTING QUESTIONS TO GET YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE TALKING ABOUT YOUR ISSUES INSTEAD OF AVOIDING CONFLICT.

  • When you were growing up, did your parents avoid their marriage issues? Why do you think they were avoiding conflict?

  • Who in your life is a major avoider of dealing with things? What are some habits they have?

  • Have you ever felt alone in our marriage? If so, when?

  • How does it make you feel when I bring up certain issues in our relationship?

  • When conflict arises, do you tend to want to fight or avoid it? And why?

  • Have I done anything that has made you feel like I don’t care about our marriage? 

Read Next on Thriving Marriages  Sometimes Your Spouse Doesn't Want Your Help. Here's The Reason Why.