Does your marriage feel āsexyā? Or does it feel āsafeā? āRoutineā? āBoringā?
Thereās nothing wrong with safe. Thereās nothing even wrong with routine! But letās face it:Ā sometimes you just want to bring sexy back again.
Note: This post contains some affiliate links.
In those early days of marriage, weĀ likely felt the relationship was āsexyā because we made an effort.
We shaved our legs. We took care of ourselves. WeĀ pulled out all the lingerie we were given at that bridal shower or bachelorette party.
Then, in the months or years since, maybe your relationship has revolved far less around sex and feeling excited by each other and far more around kids and bills and logistics and just getting through this next day. And you realize youāve got this great guyābut you also donāt feel super excited by him anymore.
Everything has just gotten, well,Ā boring.
But you can bring sexy back!
Iām not talking about how to be moreĀ adventurous in bedĀ orĀ how to spice things upāthough these things are important, too! Iām not even talking aboutĀ flirting with your husband.
Today I just want to talk about everyday things you can do and habits you can put in place to keep that āsexyā vibe front and centre in your relationship, rather than relegating it to somewhere deep in the basement, in a box behind the furnace, that you just pull out when emergency strikes. If we want to increase libido and just plain feel more sexy, then we need to incorporate more āsexyā things into our daily lives.
Weāve been talking about libido all monthālooking atĀ why women may not want sex;Ā what to do if your wife doesnāt want sexĀ (or yourĀ husband doesnāt want sex); figuring out what a goodĀ frequency of sexĀ is; and more.
And this monthās been kind of, well, heavy.
So I wanted to take the last two days of the month and end on a high note! Letās put some fun back in our marriagesāsome sexy back in our marriages.
Iāve talked about this before, but I wanted to update this list to encourage us to laugh more and have more fun. So choose one or two ideas that Iāve got below, and donāt overthink them. Just do them! (Thatās module 4 inĀ Boost Your Libido, by the way!). And see what happens.
So today, I present to you 10 things to bring sexy back to your marriageāby engaging the senses!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of sightĀ
1. Wear pretty panties. And match the bra!
Last year, while on an RV trip with my hubby, I realized that I had forgotten to pack underwear. So we went to Wal-Mart and I bought one of those 10-packs of womenās underwear.
But I didnāt realize those particular panties came up to the belly button.
I have never felt so unsexy in my life.
Donāt wear ugly panties.
Seriously, ladies, when pretty panties are so readily available, take advantage! And, if youāre able, buy a matching bra. Or hereās what I do: for each bra that I own, I choose one panty thatās expensive that matches, and two much cheaper versions that coordinate well. And then Iām always wearing an āoutfitā! And Iām sure to parade around the bedroom in it in the morning so Keith knows whatās underneath the clothes today.
So rummage through your underwear drawer andĀ throw out all the ugly stuff. Go do it now. And then pick up some pretty stuff!
2. Flash him.
Youāre allowed to be an exhibitionist for your husband. Add a bit of excitement by trying to flash him at least once a day. When youāre walking around your bedroom, open up your robe. Hike your skirt up in the car (if youāre on a deserted road!). Even cuddle under a blanket naked (or topless!) to watch a movie.
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of hearingĀ
3. Have sexy, breathless conversations
There is something ever-so-sexy about whispering. Maybe itās the breath in the ear even more than whatās being said, but try, every time you hug your husband, to whisper something sexy, even if itās just āI love feeling your arms around meā or āI missed you today!ā Donāt say it; whisper it!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of tasteĀ
4. Use gum, mint, or breath strips at specific times of day
When youāre on the way in the door (or when you know your spouse is about to come home), pop in some gum or a breath strip. I absolutely love those breath strips, but when you use one, your mouth tastes great, and you feel more confident kissing your spouse.
Make sure you do kiss, too! Once you pop in that strip, head on over and give your spouse a 10 second kiss!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of scentĀ
5. Add some sexy scents to your bedroom
Did you know thatĀ essential oils can boost your libido? Seriously, scent does a lot to help us to feel sexy! And even if essential oils donāt work toĀ boost your libidoĀ (the science is mixed), the smell is still amazing, and smell paired with good memories creates an emotional response anyway!
So choose some essential oils (Iāve gotĀ ideas at this post) and add a few drops to a spritzer mixed with vodka & water and spray it on your pillow at night. Put a few drops on a candle. Or better still, getĀ a diffuserĀ for your bedroom!
6. Use the lotions and colognes you have in your bathroom
If youāre like most people, you have body lotions that were given you in gift baskets cluttering up your medicine cabinet or under your sink.
But why not actually use them? Slathering lotion on your body helps in three ways: It reminds you of your body below the neck, which can help rev your libido. It feels luxurious so that your skin feels better and doesnāt itch (again, a plus for libido); and it relaxes you.
And encourage your husband to use some cologne (if you like it), too. It doesnāt have to be just for special occasions. Just read Song of Solomon to see the time the lovers spent preparing for each other. Itās good to get in the habit of pampering our bodies so that our spouses can enjoy them!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of touchĀ
7. Grab something handy!
We talked recently on a podcast about how manyĀ women donāt like to be groped. But many men actually enjoy it when their wives become more assertive about sex!
Think of sexy things you can do with guyās clothing to help both of you feel sexy. Sure, a woman feels better in pretty underwear. But you know whatās sexy on a guy? A tie. Get creative! Grab that tie and pull him towards you into a kiss. Run the tie along your body, as if itās an extension of him (and heāll wish it were!).
What if he doesnāt wear a tie? Well, does he have a belt? Hook your fingers in it and pull him towards you (using the buckle right above the crotch). If he wears a toolbelt, grab a tool and use it to drag him towards you. Help him to associate different items of clothing that he wears to work with flirting with you!
Ā
8. Give naked massagesāregularly
I love a great back massage. It helps me decompress, helps remind me Iāve got a body, too, and helps me to focus on that body and get out of my head so that I have an easier time transitioning to sex.
And massages when weāre naked together? That just feels luscious. Thereās something so special about human touch!
9. Shower together
Jump in the shower together regularly and lather up! It doesnāt have to take a long time, but have fun being naked together and rubbing against each other even if youāre not having sex. The more you feel each other naked, the more youāll think of each other that way.
10. Sleep naked
Iāve never been a particularly sleep-naked-kind-of-gal because I tend to get so COLD at night. But I have a friend who swears by it! Sleeping naked helps her to always feel sexy with her husband.
So we bought a super warm duvet and now itās easier for me to do on occasion, too!
Being naked is the ultimate in sexy, because itās something you can ONLY do with your husband.
So show some skin!
Want to take this all one step further?
One of the benefits of injecting little bits of sexiness into everyday life is that it can boost your sexual confidence. And if you want to take that one step further, try The Intimacy App, an exciting and helpful app that can spice up your marriage and your communication in the bedroom. Iāll be talking about it tomorrow, but you canĀ get a sneak peekĀ at it!

There you areā10 ideas to bring sexy back. But Iād love to hear some of yours, too! Let me know in the comments: How do you keep that sexy feeling alive? How do you keep āfeeling like a womanā? Letās talk!